A new year calls for a new blog post.

I'm not quite sure what to make of 2011. As I'm writing this I'm still being held hostage by one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. (That's what I feel like a hostage, I can't escape, I just want to be free from the pain and the darkness.) Which is a problem as it clouds my vision of what the year has held for me.

I should be remembering 2011 for the fantastic friends I've made, the friends that have always been there for me and the amazing things that have been achieved by the students' organisations I'm lucky enough to be a part of. But I can't. 

All I can look back and see are the stupid things I've done, the silly things I've said and the regrets I have. I think it's made even worse by the fact that I know that I should be looking at the good rather than the bad. It's something that I've been struggling with for a while; my ability to step outside my own depression and see things with clarity. I just wish I always saw things with such clarity. 

But for a moment I will consider my year with clarity, 2011 was the year I:

Realised and accepted that I'm ill

Found out that being open and honest will show you who your true friends are

Made me more grateful than ever for the fantastic people I have in my life, even if I am not good at showing what they mean to me

Understood that it will take time for me to be well enough to do certain things, and it's ok to take that time, the jobs and degree can wait

Realised that sometimes it's ok to put myself first, even if I still struggle to do this

Found out that social networking can both mess you up and save you 

So my hopes for 2012:

That I'm well enough to complete my degree

I find a way to always see with the clarity that I sometimes manage

That I'm always there for the people that mean the world to me when they need me

That I'm able to tell people how much they mean to me

That I can continue to be honest, because it helps me and hopefully it can help other people

To be able to better see myself as others see me

And of course:

That the Tigers bring home some silverware 

I manage to finally perfect my Pimm's cupcakes

For Team GB to meet their medal targets, and I fall in love with the Olympics all over again.

So here's to 2012, may it be the best year yet!