I have had a really bad week, and its been made worse by the fact that a number of people have "unfriended" me on facebook after I made a status update openly talking about my experience with seeing the psychiatrist and about how at that moment in time I was feeling very suicidal.
What I don't understand is the way that some people treat you very differently before and after knowing you have mental health problems or are suicidal.
I am the same person, I am the girl you met at the party, the girl you played football with, the girl you know through your friend, the girl you worked with and the girl you went to school with. I am still her, I have always been her and I always will be her.
Yes I'm evolving as a person but everyone is, so why should it make any difference now that you know a tiny bit more about my medical history. For the record I've also had my tonsils out and I'm also having an echocardiogram soon if that makes any difference to your feelings on me as a person. No? Didn't think so, so why does it matter that I'm clinically depressed?!
Also it's not like I've become depressed over night, the majority of people I know I have met, or at least got to know a lot better since I've been on antidepressants. And for long periods before I was prescribed any kind of medication I was experiencing many of the same symptoms that I experience now, so chances are most people I know have not known me when I have not been unwell.
The thing that I don't like is that sometimes I feel that I can't be the open honest person that I am, because of how other people will react. I hate altering myself because of other people. I will dress how I want. I will say what I think. And I WILL talk about my depression, because I'm not ashamed, and it shouldn't change what you think of me.
(Also I would like to say that I am incredibly grateful for the wonderful kind words that I have received over the last few days. I have some truly amazing people in my life, that I feel most of the time I do not deserve and even though I say this you do not give up on me. I am, although I frequently cannot see it, extremely blessed.)
It's not easy to talk about how you're feeling, but I know how much it can help, and its inspirational that you've found the strength to be so open about it. Unfortunately, there always has been, and always will be people who don't want to know, and will turn away from you....these people aren't worth worrying about. Being honest is part of who you are, don't ever change who you are because some people aren't comfortable with it.
ReplyDeleteDepression is a bitch, but you won't always feel this bad. I know its sometimes hard to see, but things will get better.
The problem is mental health is still a very taboo topic. There is no where near enough information avaliable to the general plebs of the world. The main issue is people don't know how to react to the words "mental health", they don't know how to talk about it, they don't know how the sufferer will react etc etc. From my experience, asking and talking about it helps both parties. Why wouldn't you stick by a friend who is going through a very misunderstood illness? Would you abandon someone with cancer? No ... mental health needs addressing much more publicly :)
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling and stay colourful!! xx
I think you're overreacting to being defriended by some people. Obviously I don't know who it was but I'd guess that they were mostly people without a particularly close connection to you in real life. These people probably just found that, due to your frequent status updates, you were appearing in their news feed more often than befitted your real life connection and they weren't aware of the 'acquaintance' function that facebook has introduced to resolve this kind of situation without hurt feelings.
ReplyDeletePlease don't think I'm saying you shouldn't continue to update your status as you desire. I'm just saying that I advise you not to worry about having fewer 'friends' on facebook. It's most likely not to due to any stigma about mental illness but just a result of you becoming much more prominent in the news feed of people with whom you aren't close.
I dunno, when I was dealing with depression, one of the things that really bothered me what that I didn't feel like the same person. I actually felt like someone else had moved into my life.
ReplyDeleteThat may be because an awful lot suddenly changed for me, but I was still going through the motions like before.
Its good that you don't feel like a different person. And don't let facebook popularity get to you - as someone once said, the fewer friends you have one facebook, the more real friends you probably have.
I'd like to ditto the comment about the "defriending" not being a big deal. I'll be honest - I briefly considered defriending you. But that is only because I don't actually know you and I felt I shouldn't be reading about your health problems. I've been facebook friends with you since we both joined the same "Cambridge Freshers" group four years ago, but we've actually never really met. Also, if I had decided to defriend you, I would have done the same to several other people at the same time who I also don't really know - I'd have had a "tidy up".
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm glad that I read your blogpost. It has inspired me and I'd like to thank you for writing it and being so honest. I have a couple of friends who are dealing with or have dealt with depression, and I've never known what to do or say to them about it.
Thank you for helping me understand depression.